i'll hold this close

by staar girl

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Jakesmiley thumbnail
Jakesmiley in the same fashion as Grouper, just slowly invades my head, and echoes there for a while. Huge plus: a Nicole Dollanganger cover!!


this is an accumulation of tears, sweat, blood, prayer, love, sadness...

this is the first full length play
enjoy, share, download, use in your power points, whatever.


released November 15, 2015

God, dear God, thank you for this opportunity to have a Voice;

i hope people Hear this.
thank you



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staar girl

staar girl makes drawn out, muddled, dreamy bugs in the grass music

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Track Name: a crowbar and some strength cover (frankie)
in the mouth of the river
my heart, in a box
no h*les, no breathing
tossed in, buoyancy preserving

years die
washed up on shore
my heart, that same little box
trampled on, never opened

years grow,
a curious passerby
a crowbar and some strength
my heart found
your hands
Track Name: i don't know what i'm doing but i'm okay (remastered)
i'm learning how to love again
like walking thru the snow bank
the frozen waters reach up, to my knees

i'm learning how to talk again,
and be more direct
with my speech patterns and it empathy
for you

i'm here, learning all over again
because the rules change day by day
in losing everything this year
please don't leave me
to walk through the snow
Track Name: bodies (remastered)
bodies lay barren in the blankets on the bed
and i'm dizzy and drunk
letting water rush to the lungs and head

bodies lay barren in the ditches
and i lay in the grass

with my crown
and i'm here
in my head

i'll touch you
and see you
but i won't feel so alone
Track Name: brand new eyes
smokey hollows in,
greener woods and,
honey, you're a silvery angel
your hands can only do good
to others, and
for me.

your scars, tattoo, your skies
i'm looking on from the path
you showed me
with brand new eyes

ghosts in apartments
and sleepy towns, you
picnic with me
in the cemetery
on temple hill

i'll always love you
i hope you know how much i do
Track Name: queen anne's lace
lay me down
press me in between
pages and books and things

hold me gently
catch me if you can
press me in your notes and things

lay me down
gentlier than before
press me between your lips

hold me gently
catch me if you can
press me against your pictures
and things
Track Name: building homes
a girl took me away into the night
out of the hum of her streetlights and
into her forest

i swear i saw fairies with her one night
scared i'll be torn apart
by the things i fear, the things i wish
the things i might

but she just held me
she helped me build a home

in a place i never thought
in a place i'd never go
Track Name: caravans (traveling to amherst)
at first, this felt like hell
and now i'm giving in
it beats me down everyday
i repeat kiss me in my head
over and over again

gold ribbed and tongue lace tied
heart in hand ready to give
to beat
stretching for health and traveling
for cause
raison d'etre
reasons to be

be with me
rest yourself here
because now i'm giving in
kiss me

your ghost
it kisses me
Track Name: the frozen sea
cast me out to sea
and let me sink down
against the current
i'll swim

in frigid waters
i'll swim
to you

i'll swim to you

i'll find you
Track Name: coma baby cover (nicole dollanganger)
coma baby, with your sick head, the doctors saved you, but you’re still dead, through your scalp i would like to reach in so i could pull out the monster you’ve been

but you would do anything to destroy the body that they rescued, your sick little head, so brain damaged, lying in that hospital bed

coma baby, the cry of your bones, and your skull when it split on the road, i wish i’d find all the lonely remnants of you that left when your head cracked open

but you would do anything to destroy the body that they rescued, your sick little head, so brain damaged, lying in that hospital bed

lately i can’t recognize you, the doctors lied when they said they saved you, you’re just the shell of the boy that you’ve been, and you’re dying, i can feel it